I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
