I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize