Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
