problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
