I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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