There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
