i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
