Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
