We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize