Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
