that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
