She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
