I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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