If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
