only if we run a train.
done.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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