Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
