I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Come share oat with me in your robe
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
