DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
