got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
