I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
