The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
