wanna go halves on a baby?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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