walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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