please come you make the beer taste better
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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