There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
