Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
