True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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