I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
