I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
