Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
