she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
