Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
