I'm really into asian looking animals
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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