so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
