my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
