She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
