don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
