yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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