Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
