Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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