Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
