I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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