I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
