Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
