I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
