We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
