Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
