you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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