Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
