This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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