As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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