Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
