The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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