What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
