Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
