did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Randomize
