My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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