I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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