Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
