based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
