Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
