You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
