I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
His nipple licking is glorious
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