Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
