Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
