We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
