Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
