dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize