oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
