It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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