Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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