i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
