I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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