Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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