Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to make out with him forever
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
