My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God, I missed his penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
