Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
