a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
