I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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