that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
