I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
